What’s the Difference between a Fling and a Relationship? (2024)

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IN THIS ARTICLE

1Fling: They won’t commit to you.

2Fling: They won’t involve you in their inner circle.

3Fling: It’s only physical.

4Fling: You’re always the one to reach out.

5Fling: You only meet up under certain conditions.

6Fling: They just got out of a relationship.

7Fling: You don’t talk about a future together.

8Fling: Conversation is surface-level.

9Fling: They’re a player.

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Co-authored bySavannah VoldReviewed byJohn Keegan

Last Updated: July 30, 2024Fact Checked

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Sometimes figuring out your relationship status can feel like trying to solve a Rubix cube blindfolded. The good news is that we're here to walk you through the signs you’re in a fling and even give advice about how to progress to a relationship if you’re looking to get serious. Read on to decode the mystery!

Things You Should Know

  • A partner in a fling may avoid commitment, while a relationship will involve planning to spend more time together.
  • In a fling, your partner may often prioritize a physical relationship over an emotional one and make minimal effort to get to know you better as a person.
  • Unlike a relationship, a partner in a fling won’t often introduce you to their loved ones or involve you in their life outside of having a sexual relationship.

1

Fling: They won’t commit to you.

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  1. Relationship: The two of you are exclusive. Suppose you’ve been hanging out for months, but they change the subject when you want to discuss whether you’re a couple. In that case, they likely want to keep things as they are and not commit to starting an official relationship with you.[1]

    • Remember, you deserve to feel valued and appreciated, so if a fling isn’t cutting it for you, don’t be afraid to express your feelings and move on if necessary—you’re a catch!
    • In an official relationship, both partners tend to be able to agree on their label status early on (partner, girlfriend, boyfriend), whereas someone in a fling may avoid this.
    • A fling can transition into an official relationship at any time. Be open and honest about your desire for a relationship with your partner—if they feel the same way, it might be time to make things official.
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2

Fling: They won’t involve you in their inner circle.

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  1. Relationship: They introduce you to their friends and family. Most people can agree that things are getting serious when their partner wants to introduce them to their family and friends. This is because people interested in starting a lasting relationship don’t mind their friends and family asking about you.[2]

    • Alternatively, a partner in a fling may avoid having you meet their loved ones because they may be uncomfortable with speculation and don’t want to make things complicated, often called “pocketing.”
    • Keep in mind that your partner might have a strained relationship with their family and not want to subject you to their unfair criticism or difficult personalities.
    • If you want to meet your partner’s loved ones, it’s ok to politely ask! For example, you might say, “I can’t help but be curious to meet the people responsible for making you such a great person.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 691 wikiHow readers who've been in a fling or situationship, and only 10% of them said they realized they were in a fling because their partner hasn’t introduced them to friends and family. [Take Poll] While this can definitely be a red flag, there could be other reasons they haven’t introduced you yet. Make sure your partner knows how you feel before making an assumption.

3

Fling: It’s only physical.

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  1. Relationship: You have an emotional and physical connection. Serious relationships have both emotional and physical intimacy, while fling relationships are typically categorized by having a primarily sexual connection. Essentially, flings affirm physical attractiveness, not emotional compatibility.[3]

    • For example, if your partner is only interested in sex and doesn’t make an effort to get to know you as a person, you’re likely in a fling.
    • Surprisingly enough, physical intimacy is often easier for people to manage than emotional intimacy, as many people fear rejection. If you’re looking to get more serious, consider asking your partner to go on a date with you where you can chat, like going to a museum.
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4

Fling: You’re always the one to reach out.

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  1. Relationship: You stay in contact throughout the day. You had an amazing night together, but now it’s radio silence—what’s up with that? Unfortunately, someone in a fling may only reach out to you for physical connection and not try to grow their connection with you into something more.[4]

    • For example, you won’t often find a partner in a fling texting you to hang out unless they’re looking to hook up. Relationship partners are there for you when you need them, whereas your partner in a fling is typically only there when they need you.
    • If you’re constantly reaching out to your partner, but they continuously ignore you or make you feel like an afterthought, it might be time to move on. Remember, you don’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t fulfill your needs—there’s someone out there who will make you feel loved and appreciated.

5

Fling: You only meet up under certain conditions.

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  1. Relationship: You both make time for each other. For example, if you’re busy or tired at night and have expressed this to your partner but continue to only reach out to you last-minute, they’re likely just looking to hook up and are unwilling to make sacrifices or compromises for your sake.[5]

    • Additionally, if your partner only wants to meet you at certain places during certain hours and is unwilling to display their affection for you publicly, they might be seeing other people and don’t want to be caught out and about with you.
    • This may be especially true if your partner doesn’t or refuses to follow you on social media.
    • If you’re concerned or uncomfortable about this, consider asking your partner if they’re seeing anyone else, and let them know if it’s important to you to keep your partnership exclusive.
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6

Fling: They just got out of a relationship.

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  1. Relationship: You’re both prepared to make a commitment. A partner in a fling might be rebounding from a serious relationship. While it’s totally possible to enter into a wonderful relationship shortly after ending a serious one, these immediate connections made with another person shortly after a breakup are often considered “rebound flings.”[6]

    • Unfortunately, a challenging or significant breakup can lead people to look for validation elsewhere, resulting in flings with little chance of them developing into something more.
    • For example, if your partner reached out to you shortly after ending a relationship with their long-term partner, they might be looking for a casual fling and may not be ready to get into a serious relationship again.
    • If you’re concerned about being in a fling, ask your partner how they feel about progressing toward an official relationship. While it may be painful if your partner expresses their inability or unwillingness, at least you’ll know where you stand and can make an informed decision to stay or go.

7

Fling: You don’t talk about a future together.

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  1. Relationship: You involve each other in your life goals and plans. Planning ahead as a couple is seen as a sign of commitment and strengthening the relationship. If your partner avoids this and only makes plans for themselves, you may be in a fling.[7]

    • For example, if your partner says something like, “I’m looking forward to finally booking a vacation in Greece,” but doesn’t ask if you’d like to come, they likely see you as a casual fling.
    • If you’re not concerned about planning for the future or simply aren’t into commitment, flings are an excellent way to meet your romantic needs without the hassle of a relationship. Listen to your heart and do what works best for you!

    EXPERT TIP

    What’s the Difference between a Fling and a Relationship? (17)

    John Keegan

    Relationships Coach

    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

    What’s the Difference between a Fling and a Relationship? (18)

    John Keegan
    Relationships Coach

    Clear expectations are key for a lasting relationship. It's always best to seek out a partner who shares your vision of what commitment looks like.

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8

Fling: Conversation is surface-level.

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  1. Relationship: You have deep talks together. People interested in pursuing a relationship tend to want to learn everything about you, from little to big. In the case of a fling, however, you may often find you and your partner avoiding deep conversation and only connecting physically.[8]

    • For example, a partner in a fling might keep their answers short if you ask them a question, like only responding with “good” if you ask them how things are going in their life.
    • Tell your partner you’re interested in getting to know them better if you’re looking to transition from fling to relationship. If your partner denies or avoids getting closer to you, they’re likely only interested in staying a fling.

9

Fling: They’re a player.

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  1. Relationship: You have a foundation of mutual trust and respect. We’ve all met players—they’re charming and know how to sweep you off your feet! While there’s nothing wrong with being romantically and/or sexually experienced, a person with a history of short-term flings may be most comfortable having another fling with you rather than establishing something serious.[9]

    • They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but that’s not always true. Many people went through numerous flings before finding the right person to get serious with.
    • Ask yourself questions like, “Does my partner make me feel special?” or, “Does my partner have a wandering eye?” to help you determine if they’re playing with you.
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      Tips

      • A fling is different from a love affair in that one of the members of a love affair has a serious relationship with a partner who’s being left in the dark.

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      • Having a fling is just as valid as having a relationship. You’re entitled to have whatever kind of partnership works best for you!

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      • Remember that there are always exceptions to the rule. There may be other unknown factors contributing to why your relationship isn’t progressing past the fling stage if that’s what you desire.

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      References

      1. https://psychcentral.com/blog/fear-of-commitment-or-phobia#signs-of-commitment-phobia
      2. https://www.nbcnews.com/better/lifestyle/what-pocketing-here-s-how-tell-if-it-s-happening-ncna1021701
      3. https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-difference-between-sex-and-love-for-men#where-sex-starts-for-men
      4. https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/what-is-a-womanizers-weakness/
      5. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-apes/201902/the-surprising-psychology-drives-booty-calls
      6. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201412/whats-really-behind-rebound-sex
      7. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/emotional-fitness/201310/look-ahead-strengthen-your-relationship
      8. https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-know-when-someone-does-not-care-about-you#signs
      9. https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/what-is-a-womanizers-weakness/

      About This Article

      What’s the Difference between a Fling and a Relationship? (38)

      Reviewed by:

      John Keegan

      Relationships Coach

      This article was reviewed by John Keegan and by wikiHow staff writer, Savannah Vold. John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. This article has been viewed 66,100 times.

      4 votes - 55%

      Co-authors: 3

      Updated: July 30, 2024

      Views:66,100

      Categories: Maintaining Relationships

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      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 66,100 times.

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      What’s the Difference between a Fling and a Relationship? (2024)

      FAQs

      What’s the Difference between a Fling and a Relationship? ›

      Fling: It's only physical.

      What is the difference between a casual relationship and a fling? ›

      A relationship is a connection between two people who are emotionally and romantically involved and committed to one another. Unlike flings, relationships are built on trust, communication, and a deep emotional bond. Relationships involve more than just physical attraction and sexual chemistry.

      How do you know if it's a fling or love? ›

      If the person you are seeing never wants to make proper plans with you and only reaches out at random, spontaneous times, it's probably a sign that you're in the fling category,” says Bregman. Real relationship: Your partner asks you to go on real dates or is thrilled if you plan a day or night out together.

      What does just a fling mean in a relationship? ›

      to have a short sexual relationship with someone: She's been having a fling with her boss. (Definition of have a fling from the Cambridge Advanced Learner's Dictionary & Thesaurus © Cambridge University Press)

      Is a fling a short relationship? ›

      First, let's DTR: a fling is generally a short-term romance or hook up or two people enjoying each other without the pressure of a long-term relationship. You may be exclusively seeing each other, or be dating other people.

      What is the difference between a relationship and a fling? ›

      Relationship: You have an emotional and physical connection. Serious relationships have both emotional and physical intimacy, while fling relationships are typically categorized by having a primarily sexual connection. Essentially, flings affirm physical attractiveness, not emotional compatibility.

      Is a fling the same as a FWB? ›

      Unlike a fling or a hook up, FWB arrangements, often involve understanding that the situation is indefinite and that the friendship may resume even if the physical relationship ends. It's not for everyone. Recognising your relationship preference is key to understanding whether FWB can work for you or not.

      How long is a fling supposed to last? ›

      This type of relationship has no serious commitment as each person is free to do what they like with other people. Hence, if you've asked questions like 'How long do flings last,' the ideal answer would be that there is no definite time because you're not in a defined and committed relationship.

      Is a fling a situationship? ›

      There's no talk about future plans.

      This differentiates a situationship from a fling, which, although shares a loose definition and commitment, usually has a definite end date. A summer fling, or a vacation fling, is different from a situationship with someone who lives in the same city and has no plans of moving away.

      Is it healthy to have a fling? ›

      Interestingly, and seemingly conflictingly, women are also more likely to experience feelings of self-affirmation regarding their physical self after a no-strings-attached sexual encounter. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to experience a reduction in psychological distress following a sexual fling.

      Do flings ever turn into relationships? ›

      It Can Be the First Step Towards a Relationship

      Many of us end up being open to (and commencing) a more serious relationship once we discover that we not only enjoy the casual sex, but we also like our sexual partners as people—after spending time together, going on unofficial dates, and getting to know one another.

      What counts as a fling? ›

      It's purely physical

      Sure, physical attraction is super important for a successful relationship, but if you're banking solely on that connection, it could mean that you're in a “fling,” as opposed to a serious commitment. “There are many facets to a relationship, including the emotional, social, and spiritual.

      When should you break off a fling? ›

      End the relationship when you're no longer interested in the other person. Don't try to extend the relationship, or wait for the “magic” to come back. It's perfectly okay if you don't feel the same way you did before, but it's best to let your hook-up know as soon as you can.

      What is considered a casual relationship? ›

      Casual dating or a casual relationship is a physical and emotional relationship between two people who may have casual sex or a near-sexual relationship while staying loyal to each other without necessarily demanding or expecting the additional commitments of a more formal romantic relationship.

      How long should a casual fling last? ›

      This type of relationship has no serious commitment as each person is free to do what they like with other people. Hence, if you've asked questions like 'How long do flings last,' the ideal answer would be that there is no definite time because you're not in a defined and committed relationship.

      Is casual same as hookup? ›

      Emotional connections: Unlike in hookup culture, casual dating can mean you build a dynamic relationship with a romantic partner, even if you do not live with them or see each other daily. Casual dating allows for connections via dates and regular meetups.

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